An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
