Already got asked if we're dating
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
