i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
