Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
