and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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