so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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