I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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