He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
What drink are we having for lunch?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
