I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
