tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
