I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
