Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
no you cant smoke seaweed
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
