I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
