So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
