legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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