woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I love you. Go after that dick
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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