My room smells like vodka and shame
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
