Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
