There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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