my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Is this like a preordered booty call?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
