went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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