Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
When are your genitals available?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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