dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
