I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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