Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Can you bring me the toilet please
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
