I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
