Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
