Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Having a random hookup so left but love u
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
