Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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