Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
