Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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