why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
