Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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