I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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