so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
