My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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