there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
