Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm getting married
To pizza
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
