my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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