my phone needs a breathalizer
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
