I think i sorta joined a cult last night
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
