My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
