What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
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