Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
now i know why i became what i already was.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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