She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
