I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
