i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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