Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
