ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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