The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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