Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Randomize
