remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
