Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Randomize
