i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
